1. AQUADEXTROUS
(ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION
(kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT
(dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (aka candy) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS
(el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST
(frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION
(lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER
(peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting who you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS
(pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION
(tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
At my vet's pharmacy, I noticed these two inconspicuous bottles. Finding your next date or a new best friend was never so easy! In fact, I opened each bottle and came up with the following guy and gal as I drove home:
Mother Goose - At the corner of Poplar and Mendenhall. Stopped traffic to help this family of geese across the railroad tracks and several lanes of heavy traffic.
Anime Man - A little farther west on Poplar. He comes complete with faster-than-light swishy sword movement, badass trench coat and swagger, and big hair. (I'm sure his natual color is bright yellow or greenish black.)
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