So much to do, so little time

I'm still in shock that in less than a month, Aaron will be living in another state. In less than a month, I will be living with Monica and Corey, Aaron will be living in Oklahoma, he will begin his new job at Integris Health (Oklahoma's largest not-for-profit health care organization), and I will be nearing my one-month marker as teacher. And let's not forget all of the fun of that interval between now and then. I, at least, know where I'll be moving. Aaron still has to find a decently priced 2-bedroom apartment that has w/d hookups in the unit and allows cats AND that's near where he works. And I can't even begin to imagine moving all of our crap. We have so much of it! So much useless junk... that I can't seem to part with.

I'm still a little more than a month away from my first paycheck; Aaron has two left, but there'll be a small gap between the old job and the new job's paychecks. I wish I could say that we have a nice buffer to fall back on, but unfortunately we don't. Since May 2004, there have only been 4 months where I have pulled in a very meager check for substituting. During that time, our checking and savings balance managed to stay even. The rest of the time, we've been pulling from my savings. It is officially all but nonexistent. Thank heavens that Integris is giving us a lump $2,000 to cover relocation. Hopefully we'll be able to pocket half of that into savings.

To give is better than to receive, right? Most people are familiar with that saying and would agree with it, especially around Christmas time when society is reminded to act out the roles they've created in Hallmark cards. Wait, where was I going? Oh, Mom. Buddha bless her, but she gives so much - all that she has. Two examples: when she moved into her new apartment recently, she paid each person who helped her move $100 - for a grand total of $700. Now, for my graduation, she paid the entire tab for a dinner of 10 people. She also prepared a huge feast for my grad. party the next day, including homemade meatballs, chicken nuggets, 7-layered salad, brownies, veggie trays and so much more. She bought and prepared all that food, and bought 2 casserole dishes for the event which she then gave to Jeanette and I. She prepared everything, set everything up, and then cleaned everything afterwards. She won't allow anybody to not accept the money, and we can't tie her down to keep her from giving through her actions. She never asks for anything in return except for appreciation. She makes us all feel guilty because we aren't able, or willing, to even the balance. I worry about her. Does she give to feel needed? Does she not realize that she already is? Are we not doing all that we can to show her? ... I love you, Mummy!

Decisions, Made and Otherwise

Two weeks ago Aaron and I went to OK City and this past week we went to Chicago - each for interviews. While in Chicago - during the interview, actually - the people from OK City left Aaron a voice msg offering him the job. He plans on accepting that offer tomorrow. Although we're not sure how quickly they'll want him to start, he will most likely be 7 hours away from me by the end of the month. Aaron is excited about the new job - he'll be working with a human fertility clinic doing much of the same stuff as he is at his current job at MU. One perk, his favorite, is that he will have patient interaction as he gets to explain to future parents what his role in the process will be. I will stay here in Missouri, teaching at Blair Oaks, for at least this fall semester, if not the entire school year. I don't really know what I'll do. I'm giving up an ideal teaching position, and I'm not too happy about that. We'll see how well I can hold out - Aaron or my job. But I at least know that I'll teach my class; I refuse to give it up entirely. I also don't know where I'll live for that period while I'm here in MO. We can't afford to pay his rent in OKC ~and~ the $410 for our apt. here in Jeff City. I don't need these 2-bedrooms all to myself anyway. I'm running through my very limited list of options, and not very comfortable with any of them. If I stay with Mum, there is very limited space. If I stay with friends, I am an unwanted imposition. If I stay with... oh wait, there aren't really any other viable options.


How will I live without Aaron for 4.5-9 months? This blog can't do that issue justice... and if it could, it would only make me that much more miserable. When we mention to people that we'll be living apart for so long, they express concern about how it's hard on relationships. Frankly, that irritates me. Oh, I know they mean well - and it is true, I know. But I honestly am not worried about Aaron's and my relationship. It is too strong to be broken by 7 hours and and 4.5-9 months. When I think about if our love with weather this "crisis", I feel a sense of calm, not anxiety. We will make it through this.

However, when I think about HOW we will weather this crisis, I do feel anxiety... dread... panic. At the end of those 4.5 or 9 months, we will be fine. But for that time in between? I will be a mess. Only rather comforting fact is that I know Aaron will be in the same state... if not the same State.

It has not yet sunk in that by Labor Day, my life will be turned upside down. Little will be the same after this month.