House of Cards, House of Straw

Oh, I ask you - what's life without the drama? I love my family, but what tangled webs they weave. Pride... miscommunication... fear... and good ol' German stubbornness, let's not forget. To hear from such great distances that my family's delicate house of cards is collapsing, that those I love dearest are clawing at each other.... to know that there is such pain, and I am helpless, once again. Useless. Perhaps this house of cards is too big for my bandages this time, but I can't help but think, "If I were there..." (Hmm, this tune sounds familiar, don't you think?) But being thus removed from the immediacy of the idiocy also keeps things relatively objective. Life is so very simple that we have to screw with it until it's as complex as our psychoses. Why won't a bleeding heart heal wounds?

I'm tempted to count how many negatives have popped up recently that could leave me miserable, could drag me back to stay in my old self. But it's unnecessary... for all my emotional zigzagging and roller coastering, it takes very little to make me happy. I accept the zigzags for what they are, knowing that I'll zig out of my zag when I'm ready. There's something so freeing knowing that I can allow myself to feel miserable, knowing that tomorrow I'll be fine again. And despite every problem that bombards me, just knowing that I can feel miserable if I want and still be fine is enough. Being weak is a great strength. Oh, I am tired... hello, pillow.