Southern Exposure

Question: What's more embarrassing than a coworker pointing out that you splashed pizza sauce on your shirt?

Answer: A coworker pointing out that you have on purple undies. But, as Meerkat pointed out, at least I was wearing some!

Who slapped me with a happy stick?

It's often much easier to be jaded... especially since that's the fashion anymore. But gosh darn it, I'm not! I don't tire easily of something if once I've liked it. New is good, but old is just new again every time I experience it. So that even if I've heard a song 60 bajillian times, the 60 bajillian and first time is just as good (or better) than the first.

I say this because I'm listening to the same playlist that I've been playing all weekend... songs that I've heard so many times that I know how to mirror my breathing rhythms to the singers'. And despite the fact that these songs have been lasered into my memory umpteen times, and despite the fact that I personally created the playlist, I still (literally) clap my hands and squeal at just about every other song that plays. Because, yes, they just make me that happy. And although I shouldn't be surprised when any given song plays, it's always as if I'm discovering it for the first time.

Which brings me to Christmas music. When I walked into a store last week and heard the same cheesy holiday tunes blasted from every aisle, I gave the obligatory eye roll. But then I felt guilty... because although that response is programmed into me, it's not true. I love Christmas music. On my iPod, I have nearly 100 Christmas songs and 10 versions of "O Holy Night". (My favorite is by Vince Gill, from Breath of Heaven because it's pure and uncomplicated.) I listen to Christmas music all year long, any time my shuffle brings one up. And I can and will listen to the Mannheim Steamroller's "Carol of the Bells" and Tran-Siberian Orchestra's "Ukranian Bell Carol" for hours straight. Because I can. And will. And everything that the TSO puts out IS fantastic in any weather. What happened to the children we used to be who loved everything about the holidays? Who never got tired of Christmas decorations no matter how early they were put up? Simple pleasures, people. Simple pleasures! The perfect holiday doesn't exist, but the music still plays. And I will enjoy the enjoyable. Really, there is so much to enjoy...

Which also reminds me - Christmas lights and holiday yard decorations. Now, I for one am not a personal fan of gigantic plastic Santas on Harleys or yards so cluttered with cardboard elves and candy canes that you can't see grass... I'll be the first to admit that that stuff makes my eyes twitch. BUT! I refuse to Grinch somebody else's obvious holiday spirit, even by commenting to myself as I drive by. You'll hear me make a Joey-esque "Woah!" sound, but that's about it. Because ultimately, I give them kudos for still being able to enjoy the holiday spirit. And yes, even if all those decorations are up a week before Turkey Day. Ooh, and I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever tire of put-putting around miscellaneous neighborhoods to oooh and aaah the Christmas lights. Ever. You can take the tackiest yard decorations, slap some twinkles on them, wait for the sun to go down - and viola! Magic! Beauty! Because they are, to quote Legend of Drunken Master, "so spa-ko-we!"

So if you're out shopping and happen to see me beboppin' down the aisles, humming along with whatever holiday melody happens to be blasting, don't roll your eyes - join in! And then buy the ingredients for gingersnaps and give me a few the next day. I promise to love you forever! :D

You make Mondays my favorite day!

Though I have said it before, some things can never be said enough. I have the most amazing group of coworkers! Hugs all around to Redblur, Indiana Jones, Charming Illy, Meerkat, Kimborough Fair, and Optimus Wicked. (Thus arranged by their respective distances to my puka since I can't exactly put them in a round robin here.) They must be getting paid a little extra to call me their friend because I know I can't be this lucky!

In a single day, I have:
- harassed
- received/sent text messages from/to
- crashed the apartment of
- giggled like a school girl with
- staked out the houses of
- made punch-drunk (all natural, baby!) phone calls to
- been given a very specialized tour by
- and (most importantly) received heartfelt support from
one or all members of the most awesome Band of Swine Wranglers known to USN history.

Laundry Basket

Let me take one more bite of only-the-most-perfect-grilled-cheese-ever and one last slurp of tomato bisque, and I'll begin. (Mmm, so nummy.)

There is the ongoing internal battle over finding the happy balance between being myself and being what other people want me to be. Oh, let's face it - what I am really struggling against is being what I think I need to be for others. Despite any progress made in this arena, I couldn't open up with my closest family. If I hadn't received a recent kick in the pants in this regard, who's to say if and when I would have taken the leap. But kick I did receive, and when forced to deal with the issues I'd tried to hide... well, I realized that I'd rather deal with the messy truth than have to continue my practiced song and dance. The rhythm was forced, and my throat hurt.

Last night I called Mum and Jeanette; I stopped pretending that I had the perfect marriage. And though I will not air that laundry here, it is an immense relief simply have it out in the open. Obviously, there is much to be said, but this is not the place.

And though I'm alone for Thanksgiving, I prefer it this way. Gives me time to be alone, to think. ... and to pack.

Nan zi Han

OMG! omgomgomg.... I really have to post this... I mean... you have no idea how much I adore Jackie Chan and the movie Mulan.... but this?! This is just too hilarious...

It feels sacrilegious to be laughing this hard at someone I respect so much... but... hehehe... Oh, it hurts to laugh this much.... hahahahaha.... oh... ow.. hehe...

Help! I'm addicted to YouTube!

When eating chicken mahkani (because hey, butter in any language is fanTABulous) and sipping on the very best masala chai in town, one must have the proper musical accompaniment. :)

"24/7 I Think of You" by 36 China Town

I know you're all out there dancing with me, right? Of course! And I love that they incorporate actual sign language into the song in several places. Either India uses ASL or they aren't much different. And hey, Karia Sharid isn't so bad to watch either! :)

Ok... and although it has nothing to do with India... I love origami... and stop motion... and I'm just a geek for seeing the guts of a finished product...

Woo!

And heheheheheh.... ok, I can't help it... claymation AND drunken boxing?

And so it begins

When a sentimental pack rat moves, it is no small feat. In the picture below, you can see, mostly in boxes, 2/3 of the books from the computer room. The pile up front is the excruciatingly painful goodbye pile. *sniff* my babies... That the majority of books are in other rooms makes my back hurt just thinking about hauling them all around.
In the 5 hours that I've been packing, I've gotten distracted more times than I can count. I found old pictures of family that I'd forgotten about... half of my photo albums needed to be re-examined... chapter 13 of my college physics textbook had to be read... unearthed cds had to be loaded into iTunes... and, of course, all of the memories that come flooding back as I sift through stuff had to be relived and enjoyed all over again.

Speaking of stuff, the pitch pile has got to get bigger than the keep pile. Ugh... more self-inflicted torture.

From Beneath the Hoody

First of all, my apologies. To everyone that I dismissed, ignored, shooed, and otherwise insulted, I'm sorry. Now that I am home and safely isolated, let me apologize, again, and explain.

You've got questions, I've got answers.
How are you feeling? Light-headed, dizzy... kind of like I'm drugged... poor sense of balance, screwed up equilibrium... sensitive to light, sound, movement.

What's the cause? I have no idea. Since I like to blame things on myself, I'm going to say it's psychosomatic. If it makes you feel better (and if it means you'll leave me alone), I'll tell you that I'll have it checked out.

Has this happened before? often? Since I'm anemic, I'm used to it on a very minor scale. I get up quickly, I act like Cap'n Jack Sparrow for a second or two, shake it off, and remember to take my iron vitamin the next day. Life goes on as normal. But spells like this? I've been light-headed more in the past week or so than normal. I've only had one other time when I had a spell that was this intense and long-lasting... and that was back in February-March.

What's with the attitude today? Ah, here's the real question. As way of apology, I feel compelled to explain in far more detail than anyone cares. And, since it makes it easier for me, let me walk through today. I haven't really felt well all day, or the past few days for that matter... but I was able to get by just fine. Until, that is, early afternoon today. Not able to function properly, and not wanting anyone to pester me or worry about me, I crawled into the side office and laid down in the dark under the desk. (After alerting key persons so that I wouldn't get in trouble for slacking off.) As noted above, I don't really know why I'm feeling like this. It scares me. I just wanted someplace where I could block out light and motion, where I could keep my head down, and where I could isolate myself.

Why do you want to isolate yourself? The best I can do is compare myself to an injured wild animal. I will slink into the woods alone and bare my teeth should anyone get too close. I don't like to admit that there's a problem with me that I don't understand and can't fix. But ultimately? I don't want anyone to worry. So as I'm meditating under the corner office desk, I am interrupted. I'm startled; I'm mortified. I zigzag back to my desk, praying no one catches me crying, and make a bee-line for my car. And again, I meditate. I think... well, minimal damage. One person knew before, now two people know. I'm feel a little better, so I decide to make my way back to my puka. I'm hoping that no one will notice me and that everyone will just leave me alone. But no, while I'm walking back and thinking that I'm alone, I'm ambushed. Now a third person knows. I don't want to answer how I'm feeling, and no, I really don't want to explain anything. I don't care to make conversation and hear how you're sorry. I just want to pretend that everything's normal. Just leave me the hell alone. So now there's two people to whom I've been rude. I continue to be rude as I run away from them. I feel like there's a pack of dogs after me. Back at the puka, I kick myself in the ass for being such a... well... ass. I force myself to make small talk. All the while trying to wish myself alone. I figure it's easier than baring my teeth and then having to apologize afterward. And as I'm congratulating myself on the thought that maybe I can maintain this operation until I'm home, a concerned person calls me out in front of another person. ...who immediately is all concern and comes over to check in on me. My civilized response? I bared my teeth. But, I suppose, the good thing in this is that by now, pretty much everyone has had their hand bitten after offering it to me. I'm left alone for the most part. But let me just say this - if I was dismissive, insulting, and rude to you... it just means that I trust you. I have screwed up ways of paying compliments, but um... yeah, sorry 'bout that.

Did you ever get to feeling better? It's 8:02 pm, and yeah, I've started to finally feel better within the last 30 minutes. This coincides perfectly with my phone call with Ashums. Cuz she's just that awesome.

Why didn't you just go home early? And what, drive into a ditch? Before you ask, I didn't let anyone drive me home because I'm a stubborn-assed, German-blooded Missourian... and well, I don't want to be a burden. I stayed at work until the last stragglers were leaving... at which point I transferred over to my car. Sat there for another 3o minutes until I became hungry and lonely. Lest you be overly concerned, I went from being my typical Speed Racer to Snail Chaser... much to the annoyance of the cars behind me on Coll-Arl.

What can I do to help? Leave me alone. There are only three people (and one snuggly gray furball) that I would let close to me right now. And unless you've let me lay my head in your lap before, you're not one of those three. Don't take it personally when I don't want to talk to you. I'm not feeling well, I'm not sociable, and I certainly do not want to explain any of this again.

I think; therefore...

Sometimes I think that...
... I collect sad thoughts like grandmas collect tea cozies.
... two inner monologues don't make a dialogue.
... a blissfully happy, un-declawed cat and silk kimonos do not mix well.

Addendum

Today's additions to the crazy 7 past days -

- Found an apartment. I'm sure I'll have lots to say and post tons of pictures in the future, so forgive me if I don't say much at the current moment.
- Discovered that if I'm not going to drive up to see family for Thanksgiving, my family's driving down to see me! I won't spend the weekend alone after all. :)

All in the course of a week

So for those of you who don't know, the house is officially sold. Our realtor is so fantastic that she not only met me along my way to work Friday morning in her pj's and wild hair so that I could sign the papers, but she also took a 1% reduction on her fee which amounts to about $2,000. And really, I could wax poetical on Tommie for days - she's really just that wonderful - but these are two of the most obvious reasons why she rocks.

So, quick and dirty:
- Offer on the house Wednesday afternoon
- Signed the papers Friday morning
- Will soon owe Jeanette and Berry (sis and bro-law) what remains of our souls since they're loaning us the money to cover closing costs, pre-pay penalties, etc.
- Moving out end of the month
- Currently looking at apartments in Midtown - have seen about 10 so far, looking at about as many today (eek)
- Aaron started the chemist position at Buckman Labs today - conveniently located close to where we'll be moving

Told ya I'm a dryad :P

I am 67% Faerie, 67% Angel, 67% Mermaid, 42% Dragon, 25% Werewolf, and 0% Demon (thank you very much)

So maybe this isn't the most original post I've had in a while, but then... most of my recent posts haven't been, so *shrug* ... whatever. Technically the Faerie, Angel, and Mermaid in me are all tied for first place, but quite honestly, Faerie wins out by far. (But hey, I'm proud of my 42% dragon heritage, hehe) Click on the orange Faerie chica to the right to find out which of the above creatures you are - and then leave me a comment and tell me the results.

Faerie: Aren't you a cute little flying person? Faeries are earth spirits. They live among each element (wood!) completely hidden. They have cousins called Pixies, however, who are very mischievous, enjoy tormenting other creatures for fun, and have a bad reputation for finding a creature and clinging to them until death. You, a Faerie, can be somewhat close to a Pixie, (trust me, I know) but mostly you are loving, playful, and carry with you a child-like enthusiasm for life. When does the child-like become childish? Hide among the pedals of a Daisy, you are a Faerie. What can I add to this? Yep, yep, and yeppers. As part of a larger picture that I started a while back (and need to make myself finish), I even created an image of myself in my true dryad form.

Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. I have no idea how I could qualify as equal parts Angel. As the most selfish person I know, this persona fits me least.

Mermaid: Mermaids are beautiful women who trick sailors into becoming completely entranced by their haunting voices (well, no one's ever said I have a lovely singing voice, but that's rarely stopped me) and found death soon after. Sigh. Not all stories of Mermaids are about gentle loving sea people. They are mystical, magical, and extremely dangerous. Sigh again. They have a way about them that brings anyone they are around to seem enchanted. Translation: I have everyone fooled. They are very mysterious creatures and to meet one... would mean certain Death. Sigh... I am equal parts Mermaid.

Peter & the Wolf

I adore YouTube... not for the Potter Puppet Pals or Red vs. Blue (but ok, so sue me if I've watched them) No, I love YouTube because I can watch live performances of Yoko Kanno (to whom I bow before), get pronunciation cues on my Japanese, check out the local wonders of Tamil Nadu where a friend is from, and watch my favorite cartoons that I can't find anywhere else (Bugs Bunny in Rabbit of Seville or Muppet Babies spoofing Star Wars and Star Trek)

And then there is this amazing find - a stop motion short of Sergei Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf. Now, first of all, I grew up with a battered, hand-me-down book, listening to the scratchy record that came with it... and as I didn't have much (anything) in the way of cool stuff growing up, I've got a soft spot in my heart for it. And I love pretty much anything in the lines of decent animation... That and I've got to admit, Suzie Templeton's 2006 short knocks the socks off anything that came before it. I mean... just... wow. Textures... muted colors... choosing to intro the music only when Peter finally leaves the yard.... wow... Anyhoo, without further ado, enjoy:



(Part 2/3)

(Part 3/3)

Ambiance

Now, I am not one to be hoity-toity, nor do I tend to expect others around me to conform to my view of reality...

But with that being said, it is NOT within my view of reality that the following conversational excerpts should be overheard when enjoying sushi and sashimi:

"My sister had a benign cyst in her uterus the size of... like to be the size of a golf ball."

"It burned to pee so bad, I just lived on the toilet. Called my female doctor - had to call him in the middle of the night - and he told me to call some 24-hour number. Took those pills for 5 solid days, and after that, I could finally pee again. I can't begin to tell you what a relief that was.

Enter ghoul and Kill Bill extra, stage right

Using candy to lure in dinner, Aaron watches and waits for his next young victim. Aaron was a ghoulish thingamabob and I was a Kill Bill extra (still wearing my vintage Asian dress with my long sword strapped across my back) We actually had a lot of candy left over this year... in no small part because Aaron sent many kids running from the house without any candy, lol. Typically he'd just play up his role when he opened the door, but occasionally I'd get into the act by acting out various scenarios. ...my favorite getting to whip out my sword (not sharp, but real) and protect the trick or treaters by driving the fiendish beastie back into the house. It was also hilarious to see Aaron silently follow the older kids who were too cool to be scared at the door... and watch them freak out and run when they realized he was hovering behind them. And although not in the same category, equally funny to watch a mother coaxing her 3-4 year old girl to say thank you to the scary growling ghoul that just gave her candy.