Day Two, Family

Less than 24 hours from when Aaron told me the big Boston news. Last night when we went to bed I broke down and bawled my head off. It's not the thought of moving to a huge city that has me worried. (Although it does.) It's not my abrupt career change (and uncertain career future) that worries me. (Althought it does.) It's not about leaving all of my friends several states behind; it's not about being torn from everything I've ever known and dumped suddenly in the middle of uncertainty and unknown. Or relocating and trying to find housing or the rapidity with which all of this might be happening. (Although all of this is.)

What made me break down and cry until I nearly made myself sick was the thought of leaving Ashley and my momasita. I'm not saying that I won't miss all of my family - that's not at all what I'm saying. But Ash and Mom... they rank right up there with food, water, dry roof, warm clothes and Aaron. To not be an integral part of their lives - to not see them on the weekends - to miss out on so much of their lives - to not be a part of their lives. To only see them once or twice a year?!

It's not like I have to see them every second of every day. When I was in Kirksville, I was perfectly okey dokey being away from my family. The difference, however, is that at any given time - if my family needed me - I was only a short 2-hour drive away. Something going on for the weekend? I was there. Wanted to talk to Mom? Hwy. 63 all the way. I was still a present and active member of the family.

In Boston? It's a whole chasm. Seems that way to me anyway. I wouldn't be part of the family anymore. Well, not an active part of the family. If I came to visit Jeanette? I'd be company. I'd be a special visit which requires a clean house and clean hair.

... Aaron got next Friday off to fly out to Boston for the interview. I may be going with him. Aaron asked the recruiter if they would likely pay for my airfare as well - who replied that it was most likely possible, since I'm an integral part of the decision factor. Granted, the recruiter can't definitively speak for Chung (guy who's hired the recruiter)... but still, the recruiter should know what he's talking about. Assuming that I do get to go with Aaron, I'm excited. I've never been in an airport before, let alone flown in a plane. And Aaron's flown to TX a couple of times, so I can count on him to know what we're doing. I really would like to be out there so that I can get a feel for the area. And, hopefully we can spend an extra day out there checking things out. ... Still, Aaron just now said that they probably won't fly me out until after his interview - not until they offer him the job and help us start looking for a place to live. I don't like this. I want an idea of what I'm getting into before things get too far. Grrr!

If only I didn't have a new job with a year contract... if only my family weren't so important and close to me. I wouldn't really have any major problems with relocating out there. And it would be exciting, a big adventure.

I guess there's no point to stress about all this too much.. at least until we know more.