First day of the last month

A Mrs. Karwoski has officially been hired to replace me by the end of the first quarter - October 14th. Within 7 days of interviewing her, they offered her the job, she accepted, and she began her first days in the classroom. Including last week, she'll have three weeks of "transition time" - three weeks of me still being the Teacher, where she can basically just sit there and watch. I've tried to have her do a few things as Teacher, but with the classes finishing up their short stories, a lot of time is given to the students to work on rough drafts. She will have the last week with the Juniors all to herself, though. It'l be curious to see how that goes. It'll be nice to go to school knowing that all I have to do is sit there and grade papers. Course, I won't really be doing a lot of "teaching" this week either, not with all the kids in the computer lab writing.

Anyhoo, everything's going well on the Blair Oaks end. I'm trying to work with Mum and Dad on how to get my tush and my remaining possessions out of Monica and Cory's basement and down to Cordova. If I wait until Dad has a Friday off, I won't go down until the 28th. That means hanging around here for 2 weeks... doing nothing but sitting on my butt. I'll probably drive down by myself as soon as possible, and then on the 28th, meet Mum and Dad at some point in Arkansas and then lead them back to our apartment. Minor technicalities, really... main point is that a tangible deadline is near at hand.

I'm still having issues with Aaron and Nikki... even though when I look at the situation logically, I know I shouldn't. But they went to a movie last night, and she invited him to some friends' place tonight - where I found him at 10pm when I last called. He's honest and open about everything - not like he's trying to sneak around anything. And I should be happy that he has somebody down there - that he isn't all alone. And I run through all the reasons I should be fine with this. But I never can quite reach that point. I know he's not cheating on me, physically or emotionally; yet I still can't get over jealousy issues. He's making new friends, and all I can feel is that he's moving on without me. I don't like it one bit that he's creating a new life down in Memphis without me. He calls me, or I call him, every night, we talk all the time. He called me last night - after he got back from the movies with Nikki, and for 45 minutes talked about minor stuff - saying that even if he didn't have anything to talk about, he just wanted me on the line, because he missed me. And yet I can't shake these negative feelings. Why am I so controlling? I don't own him. I just want 110% of his time, thoughts, everything. How irrational. So insecure, really. That's what it all boils down to. Society has screwed me over on this one. You should be insecure about how you look. Accomplished. A relationship is between only two people and any other person who gets too close is deemed a threat. Priviledged access to body, heart, and soul. Accomplished. Be insecure about yourself and your control over relationships. Fear pain, loss, isolation - control your partner to ensure you are never alone. Trust is for fools. All accomplished. Insecurity reigns.

On a more positive note, cuz hey, what isn't positive about that last rant? Aaron's head bosses, Dr. Ke and Dr. Kutteh asked for my resume and are currently out spreading it around to people they know. Aaron said that there might even be an opening some place. It's hard to say what will come of all of this. I really have no idea what will come of me when I do finally make it to Cordova. I still haven't finished filling out the Substitute Teacher application. Apparently I have to take another TB test, have an interview, AND take a training session! I'm not thinking ahead very well. I'm more concerned with just getting down there, not what I'll do once I'm there.

Once I'm there... so many questions. So much newness, uncertainty. I wonder how I'll handle it all.