Ok, I'm sorry. I typically hate talking politics (even jokingly), but I can't help myself. Someone sent me this email, and hilarity ensued in my head... and now here. Prepare to read the most compelling political email FWD: fwd: FWD: you've ever read in your LIFE.
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TO: Everyone in my contacts
FROM: Grammarian and political pundit extroardinaire!
SUBJECT: Fwd: FW: details of Obama's early life that are scary if he is elected
Could we be headed there. [Hi. Was this a question or a comment?] Remember the picture where he was on stage and did not face the flag and place his hand over his heart. [Wow, bossy little butt, aren't we? Or did you just use your allotment of ?s in the subject line?] God help us if we have someone in power like that. Even if he is not Muslim. [But especially if he is! Let's just play it safe and assume he is.] Who is Barack Obama? Very interesting and something that should be considered in your choice. [Is that your answer? Ok. He is very interesting, and yes, he should be considered in my choice.] If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward this to all your contacts...this is very scary to think of what lies ahead of us here in our own United States...better heed this and pray about it and share it. [But don't you dare proofread first! Actually, just don't read it at all but blindly trust me and click "forward" - and whatever you do, don't think!] We checked this out on "snopes.com". [But please just take my word for it instead of actually going to Snopes. Not that that really proves anything anyway...] It is factual. [!] Check for yourself [!!!!!!!!!]. Who is Barack Obama? Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a? [Hey! Look who figured out question marks!] black [ew!] MUSLIM [ew again! You're killing me!] from Nyangoma-Kogel, [Stone him! He's from a place I can't pronounce!] Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white ATHIEST [YES ATHEIST, YOU READ CORRECTLY, BECAUSE OF THE CAPS LOCK] from Wichita, Kansas. Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL [Radical is where someone is so extreme about something that they go beyond common sense or facts or reality or grammar rules. Maybe it talks about it on Snopes.] Muslim from Indonesia.? [.?.?.?.? Could be. Who knows?]When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocate [You mean relocated but we all know what's important: that his middle name is Hussein] to Indonesia. Obama attended a MUSLIM [I KNOW, RIGHT? CAPS LOCK 2008!] school in Jakarta. He also spent two years in a Catholic school. [That's a little better, but don't let that fool you...] Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is quick to point out that, "He was once a Muslim, but that he also attended Catholic school." [What a CREEP for using religion as campaign material! And what a great quote capturing him talking about himself in the 3rd person!] Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that he is not a radical.Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this? [or that? Question marks suggest not knowing something. You know EVERYTHING, so why don't we ditch all the question marks and just present all questions as imperatives like we did in the beginning of this message? Oops, that was a question mark.] influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son's education. Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam [So HE is the one guilty of this heinous crime! Grab your torch and pitchforks and follow me. We'll show this Soetoro freak a thing or two. He'll think twice before he tries being Muslim in front of a child ever again!]. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta [unless he wasn't]. Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world [unless it isn't]. Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public office in the United States [Yeah, Mitt, watch your Joseph Smith-worshipping a** in the polls, you non-Christian], Barack Hussein [Did you catch that yet?] Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background.?? [Maybe the author of this is trying to supress expletives like $#@&^.??] ALSO, [YOU MEAN THERE'S MORE??] keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran [except that instead of Barack Obama, it was Keith Ellison but it doesn't matter because the Quran is pure evil. It is Arabic for Fly Planes Into Buildings. Quran itself translates directly into Car Bomb. Snopes it's a fact!] Barack Hussein Obama [Should we just shorten it to Hussein?] will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegiance nor will he show any reverence for our flag.? While others place their hands over their hearts,
[Hard-return added for epic effect]
Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches.? [We should make him fix his posture by walking around with a Quran on his head.] Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential candidacy. The Muslims have said they plan to destroy the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States, one of their own!!!! Would you want this man leading our country?...... NOT ME!!![Yeah!!! Get him!!!! He's Muslim and kind of BLACK!!! .?.?.? EEEEEEWWWWW.?.?.?.?.?.? Keep the White House white!!.?.?.?]
...but NOT Huckabee, so imagine my surprise when Mum calls me to say that not only is she a fan of his, but that she listened to him speak and even managed to make it into the front page of Jeff City's News Tribune because of it! See that little old lady with the silver hair peeking over the hands? That's my momma! :D And see that suspicious looking guy front and center? That's who you should not be voting for... unless you reeeally want your empire of the maybe-not- so-local e to be located in Europe...
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