Through the Looking Glass

If I could will myself to say something poignant and witty right about now... I would, trust me. I read my friends' blogs and am always impressed by their turn a phrase and choice of topics. I always feel rather jealous afterward... I mean, honestly, is my life so dull - am I so boring - that I can't come up with anything interesting for another post? I do so wish that I could write dull topics interestingly enough to make people say, "Why, what a unique/refreshing perspective! Her writing style could make me read about parsnips for hours on end."

I really rather sometimes think (haha, I do so love to sound like the books I read) that I go through life with such a tranquil turn of mind that I overlook many an opportunity for a good post. I sit with my back against the wall, observing the world around me. I hang back, watching, analyzing, with no real design of commenting. I've noticed this tendency especially since starting at the Navy base. I enjoy company but hover at the tips of conversations. Despite all that hovering, I am certainly no social butterfly. I usually want to join in the dialogue, to participate in the fun, but my mind always seems too hesitant, too sluggish for any quick repartee... the best I usually muster is some lame l'esprit de l'escalier as I rehash the conversation at my desk. I don't wish for people to think me dull or uninteresting... and least of all to think that I am snobbish. I suppose, ultimately, that I can't let down my defenses enough to allow my verbosity and personality to the surface... at least, not until I am completely comfortable with my surroundings and companions. Heaven knows that that takes forever. Rejection is still my biggest fear.