Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Why is it that people immediately look at me when they find a rubber horsefly in their pistachios or at the bottom of the coffee pot? Really now, it can’t be the Groucho glasses; they make me look distinguished – a veritable Julius Henry, Jr. The sheep and horse finger puppets? Surely not! They are friendly, unlike Redblur’s kamikaze-bun puppet. And you can’t blame my SCIDs bubble puppy. How could that zeiseh punim ever incite mischief? (But help, bubble puppy needs a name before the killer horsefly eats him!!!)

Today I have learned that:

• the Dollar Store never gets old; happiness is down every aisle, especially when you're with friends who get as excited over squishy brains and pirate gear as you.
• perfecting office feng sui is an excellent excuse to crawl around in other people’s pukas.
• RyRy looks adorable in red pigtails; Redblur and I have the footage to prove it.

Now, everyone! Go forth and listen to the Garden State soundtrack while laughing at Groucho Marx, Mae West, and Oscar Wilde quotes even though you’ve read them all umpteen times before.