Of Cheesecake and Loneliness

My cheesecakes received the best compliment last night. Said from Wife to Husband: "This cheesecake is so good; you are definitely going to get lucky later." Now really, what praise could be higher than that? My cheesecakes incite lust. And that just makes me happy. :) I got a few "best cheesecake I've ever had". I don't care if they really believe that or not, but it fulfills me to know that I can - through a cheesecake - make others happy. Food should be sensual, enjoyed to its utmost. Maybe I'll eventually taste the cheesecakes I made for yesterday and see what all the fuss is about, lol. I couldn't find a recipe that I liked for the turtle, so I ended up concocting my own of sorts. Now I'm really wishing that I'd taken notes on what (and how) I threw in! I'm looking forward to creating a cheesecake for Wicked's birthday soon. It'll be another creative explosion in the kitchen, I'm sure, as I won't really know how I'll make it until I'm actually making it. She gave me a very clear list of wants for the recipe, but the fun is always in interpretation.

I've re-realized something else about myself over the course of this weekend. I miss my friends back in Missouri. I don't make friends easily. I can be lonely in a crowd of people I know. I am really quite anti-social but am a very personable hermit who craves the nearness of loved ones. To those few people I consider Friends, to them I cling with a tenacity and intensity that is.... well, more than most people can handle. In Missouri, I had Friends, friends, and family whom I could always call up whenever I wanted to do something. I miss that here in TN. I am making friends, but for me that is an agonizingly slow process. (Antisocialites tend to have that problem.) That I am physically isolated from even those people confounds the issue. Spur of the moment craziness, a sympathetic ear, a late-night rendezvous to Country Kitchen, being talked into watching The Grudge against my better judgment, lol... these are things I miss.

Mum went dumpster diving today. She's so awesome. I'm resentful that I could not join her. That goes against my creed, but I am lonely, and I miss her. I miss her pluckiness, her upbeat tempo, her personal blend of Folgers zen, and yes, even her Banty hen over-protectiveness. Maybe Aaron and I can trek up there over this coming holiday weekend. It would be good for us both.

But we're supposed to face what we fear, right? Overcome it, right? I fear being alone. Maybe I should go live in a cave until my fears have passed through me. Well, I seem to be working on that. ... "And the darkness still has work to do / The knotted chord's untying" ...